If you’ve ever hated yourself enough listen to Rebecca Black’s ‘Friday’, you’ll undoubtedly agree that aside from poor composition, abominable auto tuning and the fundamental omission of an actual talented vocalist, the song suffers from some hideous lyrics. Just in case you need reminding:

“Yesterday was Thursday, Thursday
Today i-is Friday, Friday (Partyin’)
We-we-we so excited”

What’s more worrying than the fact that someone somewhere actually allowed ‘Friday’ to happen, is that this isn’t the worst example of bad lyrics out there.

Forced rhymes, repetitiveness and plain weirdness are just some of the crimes afflicted upon these three songs:

Des’ree – ‘Life’

‘Life’ was Des’ree’s biggest hit, bagging number in Spain, the Netherlands, Austria and Italy.

It comes as little surprise that it didn’t have quite the same success in English speaking countries when you look at this verse:

“I don’t want to see a ghost
It’s the sight that I fear most
I’d rather have a piece of toast
Watch the evening news”

Now, forgive my cynicism here, but I reckon those lyrics were actually written as the result of a drinking game involving a dice and a rhyming dictionary.

Eiffel 64 – ‘Blue’

Before I launch into a rant about just how awful these lyrics are, I feel like I should confess to actually having enjoyed this song as a teenager. But don’t worry – I identified my problem, admitted it to myself and those around me and I’ve completed my 12 step road to recovery.

It’s painfully obvious from the start of this song that you’re in for a 3 and a half minute lyrical journey of Hell:

“Yo listen up: here’s a story
About a little guy
That lives in a blue world
And all day and all night and everything he sees is
Just blue like him inside and outside”

It gets no better, with the line, “I’m blue da-buh-dee-da-buh-dy” repeated no fewer than 12 times in less than 4 minutes.

Shakira – ‘Whenever, Wherever’

You know when you say something utterly stupid and you instantly wish you’d never said it? Well, this is a bit like that. Except that it’s been recorded and distributed globally and continues to be played on the radio in hundreds of countries for the whole world to enjoy time and time again.

“Lucky that my breasts are small and humble.”

That line in particular has been the subject of mocking time and time again. But it’s actually part of an equally bizarre longer verse:

“Lucky that my lips not only mumble
They spill kisses like a fountain
Lucky that my breasts are small and humble
So you don’t confuse them with mountains
Lucky I have strong legs like my mother
To run for cover when I need it
And these two eyes that for no other
The day you leave will cry a river.”

Is it just me who pictures an incredibly flat chested young woman with old lady legs dribbling and crying at the same time after reading that? Now that has the makings of a Little Britain character.