Bond V Bauer – Who Really Owns The Initials JB?

by 8Ball T Shirts Posted on October 22, 2015 0 Comments

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The release of the new James Bond movie, Spectre, is imminent – and this got us thinking…if you pitted James Bond in a battle to the death against Jack Bauer, who would win? While such discussions are commonplace in the 8Ball offices, we decided it was important that we documented our discussions in the form of an infographic.

What you are about to see is the result of that decision:

Embed the infographic on your site – just copy and paste the code below!

 

An infographic by the team at 8Ball

 

 

Of course, we started by finding key stats for each. These were collated by the good people at killermovies.com:

James Bond – Key Stats:

Small Arms Efficiency: 4
Close Quarter Battle Tactics: 4
Unarmed Combat: 4
Stealth: 5
Intelligence: 5
Resources: 5
Resourcefulness: 4
Physical Fitness: 5
Exfiltration/Evasion: 5

Specialism – Espionge

Jack Bauer – Key Stats:

Small Arms Efficiency: 5
Close Quarter Battle Tactics: 5
Unarmed Combat: 4
Stealth: 4
Intelligence: 4
Resources: 4
Resourcefulness: 4
Physical Fitness: 4
Exfiltration/Evasion: 4

Specialism – Close Quarter Combat

And then we started looking at the ‘Kill’ stats…now this made for some interesting reading.

Bond has 352 confirmed kills over the course of 21 films, whereas Bauer has a mere 309. While this might seem pathetic on the part of Bauer, when you consider he has a KPH ratio (Kills Per Hour) of 0.97 against the 0.17 KPH achieved by Bond in the films – it paints the picture of a far more ruthless killer; a man with a zero tolerance policy on terrorism. It should be noted, this figure for Bond was based on the highly scientific estimation that each film takes place over a 4 day time period, on average.

We also discovered that the deadliest Bauer was from Season 6, when 52 terrorists felt his wrath. The deadliest Bond was Pierce Brosnan, who took out 47 baddies in both Goldeneye and Tomorrow Never Dies.

And it’s quite clear that the 24 universe is a far deadlier place to be with a total body count of 16,114 across all 9 series and Redemption. Only 1,299 bodies hit the floor across 21 official Bond films.

It should also be noted that Bond has been shot at 4,662 times in the films we looked at. When you consider that 130 additional attempts were made on his life without the use of bullets, his chances of survival were so close to zero that it’s hardly worth analysing. Yet here he is – thriving and about to go postal on even more enemies of humanity in Spectre.

However, when you take into account all the injuries that Bauer sustained throughout 24 – he statistically should have died 2.8 times. This shows both have a keen sense for survival and an unwillingness to relent to the brutal whims of terrorism.

But are they healthy?

We know what you’re thinking…after all these close shaves and scraps, are these people healthy? The answer is unfortunately, no.

Throughout the course of the Ian Fleming novels, Bond consumes 92 units of alcohol per week – that’s the equivalent of 5 strong Vodka Martinis per day. So rather than being a steely dagger at the heart of the world’s most dangerous organisations, Bond is much more likely to be a bleary eyed, impotent wreck. This seems to contradict the fact that in the films he sleeps with an average of 2.41 women.

Bauer doesn’t fare much better. His injuries would have cost the NHS more than £280,000 – and once, he ran up a wall, snapping a terrorists neck whilst simultaneously having a heart attack. We can imagine this would render him ineffective against the might of a lunatic armed with a nuclear weapon and a small but loyal army.

Who is the best – Bond or Bauer?

The truth is – even after collating all this information, we still can’t decide who is the deadliest. Bauer seems to be more lethal, but Bond has the edge when it comes to survival. Bauer is better in an armed situations at close quarters, but Bond is incredibly resourceful and has a wide range of gadgetry at his disposal. We know that Bond is obviously more of a ladies man – but then Jack Bauer is highly adept at snapping necks with his thighs…make of that what you will.

So – we need your help. Let us know who you think is the deadliest on Twitter @8Balltshirts using #8BallBond or #8BallBauer.

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