The Worst Dads In Movie History…
It’s the time of year where you get stuck with that age-old question… what do I get my dad for Christmas? At 8Ball we’re advocates of anything that’s not socks, ties or slippers so we’ve added to our huge range of tees just to make your pop’s day.
And to mark our brand new range of brilliant gift ideas for dads we thought we’d take a look at some of the worst father figures from film, and what gift they deserve in their stocking this year…
As always, let us know in the comments if we’ve missed any!
DARTH VADER – STAR WARS
Ok, so a pretty obvious choice… you won’t exactly win Father of the Year for interrogating your daughter with a hallucination-inducing mind probe or slicing off your estranged son’s hand before dropping the biggest bombshell in the galaxy. Vader gains a few brownie points for his redemption at the end of Return of the Jedi, but does it really make up for 20-odd years of bringing chaos to the star system?
Gift from Santa: Lemsip, to cure that chesty cough
JACK TORRANCE – THE SHINING
What could go wrong with a family trip down to an isolated hotel with a reputation for being snowed in during the winter, 25 miles from the nearest town? Well, quite a lot it seems. Struggling writer Jack Torrance attempts to use the solitude of The Overlook Hotel to really knuckle down and focus on getting through his writer’s block. But in the absolute ultimate act of procrastination, ends up being influenced by a supernatural presence which slowly descends him into madness and onto a murderous campaign against his wife and son.
Gift from Santa: Anti-freeze for those cold Colorado winter nights
From 8Ball: A perfect souvenir… The Shining t-shirt – Overlook Hotel
WAYNE SZALINSKI – HONEY I SHRUNK THE KIDS
Simple, I mean… he LITERALLY shrunk the kids before blowing one of them up in the sequel… not much else to say really.
Gift from Santa: A better magnifying glass…
From 8Ball: A science t-shirt for the mad scientist
ODIN – THOR and MARVEL CINEMATIC UNIVERSE
Banishing the heir to the throne down to Earth as a punishment and accidentally forgetting to mention that your other son is adopted and actually related to one of your enemies resulting in an inter-dimensional galactic war? Not great really.
Gift from Santa: Eye mask and ear plugs, for that all important Odinsleep.
From 8Ball: Reppin’ Asgard with a Mighty Thor tee!
DON VITO CORLEONE – THE GODFATHER
A family man through and through, who wants nothing more than for his beloved sons to take over the family business. Unfortunately, when your day-to-day relies on beheading horses, dealing with drug barons and attempted murders you’re not exactly setting them up with an ideal trust fund.
Gift from Santa: Oranges
From 8Ball: Keep in the family with a Genco Olive Oil tee
IMMORTAN JOE – MAD MAX: FURY ROAD
Lord of the Citadel, leader of the War Boys and another ailing father figure with respiratory problems (looking at you Vader), Immortan Joe was the main antagonist in the brilliant yet batshit crazy Mad Max: Fury Road. Apart from being a pretty much dictatorial figure with a monopoly over all the Citadel’s resources and an obsession with keeping prisoners as blood bags, Joe’s a regular family guy. Except his five wives are kept against their will and his three sons have the most unfortunate names in Rictus Erectus, Scabrous Scrotus and Corpus Colossus.
Gift from Santa: Chrome polish to keep that grill looking fresh
DR EVIL – AUSTIN POWERS
Dr, he didn’t spend six years in Evil Medical School to be called “mister”, Evil shows up in the Austin Powers film series as the main Bond-esque villain with harebrained schemes to take over the world.
Dr Evil struggled with his biological son, Scott, despite failed father-son therapy sessions, and constant put-downs “you’re the Diet Coke of evil. Just one calorie, not evil enough” and didn’t do much better with Mini-Me. More fishing trips needed… to catch those sharks with “lasers”.
Gift from Santa: Sharks! With “lasers”!
From 8Ball: A tee worth One Million Dollars!
GEORGE MCFLY – BACK TO THE FUTURE
You know you’ve weak game when your own son has to play wingman for you.
Gift from Santa: We’ll give him a milk. Chocolate.