So, Trump is coming. He is. He definitely is. So how can we deal with the Curious Orange in our own very British way?
1. Invite him round, but never offer to make him a brew no matter how many hints he drops about "spitting feathers"
2. Have him over, but put the darts on in the background and every time he goes to talk hold your hand up and say "Hang on, just wanna watch this throw."
3. Alright, make him a cuppa, but make it one of them nasty, pale grey jobbies. Brew it for 30 seconds then drown it with milk. No fucking tea-pot, son.
4. Offer him biscuits, then bring out the Happy Shopper Rich Tea.
5. Hold the door open for him, but when he’s dead far away. Like, 25 feet off.
6. Take him for a carvery but only buy him the small plate, and don't let him know that you can ask for extra Yorkshires.
7. When he asks to go to a "traditional English pub" take him to Wetherspoons.
8. When he inevitably asks for "Bangers & Mash" serve him those Richmond meat-paste monstrosities.
9. Sod the motorcade, make him travel by Southern Rail.
Article written by Rob Halden.